Do Compliments At Work Makes You Uncomfortable

My manager takes me to a conference room right after my presentation. I knew right away, that I had messed up something.

Krishna, You did a well with the demo and answering the questions.Nice job.

Thanks Salim I said, with a sense of relief.

And I want to share some feedback on something you did in the meeting. Are you open for the feedback now?

My breath stopped again.

[Salim]Krishna, I notice you have an unconscious response to compliments. You can be more graceful with compliments.

[Krishna]What? This does not sound serious. - I said to myself.

Salim sensed my thoughts from the weird look on my face, and shared why he thought this was a big deal, for him pull me into a room.

[Salim] Krishna, when Ramesh gave you a compliment on the demo, you got really uncomfortable and changed topic and brought up the bugs remaining to be fixed. I have noticed this pattern with you in two other instance. Many people do this when they get compliment - they start self-deprecating or criticizing themselves. They think they are being humble. If you don't let people give you compliment, you are making them look foolish in trying to give you a compliment. And everyone else around, picks up a subconscious signal that, you don't believe you deserve the compliment. People will naturally resist giving you compliment in the future.

Feedback is a gift. And compliment is a feedback. Receive it with grace. Next time maybe try a simple "thank you". Resist your urge to criticize yourself.


I got the seriousness of my behavior only after Salim's rant.

Google has 81 million results for "why do people get uncomfortable with compliments?". And to this day, 13 years after the instance, I still get uncomfortable with compliments. At times I still blurt a self-deprecating comment, but mostly I catch myself and switch to a "Thank you".. I have also seen this play out several times with my team mates. And I do pull them into a room and share the story.

The irony is that most people get the feedback when they are not taking constructive feedback well. But rarely does anyone get feedback when they are not taking compliment well. Next time, if you notice someone not taking compliment well, please do them a favor, talk to them and help them build their confidence.

And the next time your heart pounds when you feel the spotlight of a compliment, remember a simple "thank you" is all you need to say. Resist your urge to self-deprecate.

Thank you Salim Imani for the lesson that has helped me so many times over the years.

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